Eyes that dazzle......

I have never felt a reason for life. Is life just a way of things, is it just a way to create history. History that no one else bothers about? History that is bound to yourself? I have never found a reason for human survival. well, we engage in momentary pleasures which may raise our physical or mental state of well being for a brief period of time. But isnt this all to repent for a longer period of time. Humans have explained their own existense as a big problem. We say no one is perfect. Every object which may remotely induce pleasure, fun or a reason for survival is doomed to be banned from our lives. Even a bite of the forbidden fruit induces tremendous remorse in us. It all starts with religion and then it is imprinted in the innocent childs mind. Everything that has a relation to moral values and manners is a direct insult to the way of survival. Is it in the natural nature of humans to forbid themselves what they think good for them? Prehistoric man started with no religion, no moral values and no restrictions. He started respecting fire when he found that it was of use to him. How did that fire evolve into what it is today? Gods are springing up every other minute. If a community claims to have seen someone perform something special or if they respect someone more than a human should, the person is immediately considered equivalent to God. Dont believe me? Who do you think is the Dalai Lama?
I myself have never found a reason for survival. Is it just to trouble people? I dont love anyone..... absolutely no one and I trust it is the same to me. I have many relatives who fake love, but their mask is torn apart when they open their mouths. Money has turned out to become the deciding factor. There was one relation which I valued far above all else, Friendship. Finding true friends is like finding a needle in a haystack that has limitless boundaries. I myself dont acknowledge myself to be perfect. I look for qualities that I like and the others are just friends, but once I get to know someone, I like to keep them as friends, true or not. But when it comes to backstabbing there is no where better than to look than your friends.

I've been searching for a reason to survive all my life, atleast from the time I started thinking. Many say Love is a reason to survive. I dont know if that is a reason fit enough because I have never been acknowledged. As suprising as it may be, I've been in love twice. Once was when I was still in my early teens, I looked at the pic of a girl oh hi5 and thats it, I was head over heels for her. But this lasted barely for a few hours when I realised that this was nothing but a mere attraction. But I have never been able to explain the feeling. The next time was when I was in my late teens . This was again, another moment I looked at her and immediately felt attracted to her. Well this remained for quite some time, a few months I should say. It was the eyes that attracted me the most, again a feeling I can never explain to myself. I remained happy looking at her but then again came out the moral values and the self imposed restrictions which had grown in the innocent mind. Brutally kicked out, it has turned out to be a thing of the past.

How much is a life without a reason....... I guess I will never know. The subconscious sets a reason all by itself. Its involuntary and can never be controlled.... My present reason for survival ...... I dont know. So, surging ahead to find a reason for survival......